Monthly Archives: April 2025

It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way

25 Friday Apr 2025

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There is something I’d like to share with you today.  You may know me as a quilter, or a writer, or not really know who I am anyway. But this story begins with quilting, and then continues on in hope.

Quilting is my job, my hobby and it has been the “place” I go to cope, to hide, to SURVIVE. And that is what one of my daughters said to me in this past year. The process of taking a collection of fabric and cutting it into pieces, then moving the pieces around and sewing them back together is methodical and creative. It is a process I can pour my focus into, and other things grow dim for a little while. I didn’t even realize how in this thing I love to do, I was hiding, numbing the pain.

BUT a change has been happening, healing is happening. And recently I was able to see it. A few weeks ago, as I was preparing to go on my first solo trip in over 2 years, my husband asked me a question.  It’s a question that he has asked me many times, and sometimes I’ve been a little annoyed by it. The answer has always been “no.”

Builder asked me if I was excited about my upcoming trip and I realized in that moment, that YES!  I was excited!  I was feeling an emotion that was not numb, or fear or anxiety.  I was excited. I WAS EXCITED!

For the past 18 months I’ve been in therapy.  And for about 8 months I’ve been receiving EMDR treatment for chronic PTSD.  I am beginning to understand myself so much better than ever before.  It appears that I have lived in flight/fight/freeze or survival mode for most of my life. I now recognize how much of my life has been lived in that way.  How much of my life has been lost to hiding, withdrawing, disassociating.

I’m learning though, while it is okay to allow myself to experience some grief over these things, I can now look forward.  All the thoughts that come to my mind like “it’s too late”, “you are too old”; I can tell those NATs (negative automatic thoughts) to shut up, and be thankful for right now.  All those things lie behind, and I have today to continue to learn how to heal, to walk in wholeness, and to encourage someone else to begin. I cannot really express how good it is to be in this place. I am so very thankful.

Life can be brutal.  People can be brutal.  AND healing and goodness can be experienced.  

I share this today for you. The one who may feel like it’s too late. You may feel like it doesn’t matter.

You might be dealing with shame, thinking you should be over “that” by now.

If you have breath, it’s not too late. It’s right on time.

Some things, we need help to get over. It really is acceptable to need a little help.

It’s doesn’t have to be this way. It doesn’t have to stay this way.

Life can be wonderfully different.

SO

Make an appointment.  Ask for help.

Gather all your courage and go to the appointment.

It will take time, but it will not take forever.

Healing can come, and life can be wonderfully different.

This is my hope for you, may the day be not far off, that you will experience the moment where you realize that you are living beyond the pain, and find hope, goodness and joy.

The Chicks Are 4 Weeks Old!

16 Wednesday Apr 2025

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Well, the past month has just flown by.

The first week after the chicks arrived was very difficult. Chicks kept dying, some in my hands. Several people reached out to me, on Instagram, but I had every box checked, warmth, food, water, safety. Finally on day 8 I called the hatchery and told the person answering the phone, “I’m not getting off this call until someone can help me figure out what is happening, half my flock has died.” That got attention and I was able to talk to someone in depth about what was happening.

It is now believed that my chicks got too cold during shipping. That the box was left on a loading dock or in a truck. Finally, it made sense. There were six unalive chicks upon arrival and by 8 days I had lost half the flock. The nagging thoughts that I was doing something terribly wrong dissipated, and grief set in.

The surviving birds are doing fantastic. We moved them from the house to the coop last week, and they’ve settled right in. This week I’ve been opening the door to the run, but so far none of them have ventured out. I’ll be out there working on the run roof today and tomorrow so maybe they will join me.

Introducing “Robin” aka Robinson Crusoe
This little one reminds me of the chickadees that used to nest in our Pinon tree.
So her name is “Chickadee”

I also posted an update on Instagram, and am sharing it here.

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That’s all for now. I hope you have a great day!!

The Chicks Have Arrived

05 Saturday Apr 2025

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The chicks arrived on Thursday March 27. To be honest this time again has just been pretty frustrating and a bit heartbreaking. There were 6 dead in the box, and as the birds stretched their legs, found the water and food it became obvious that there were several more failing birds. Over the next several days we lost 11 chicks. I called the hatchery and they seemed surprised. But refunded me for the initial 8 birds that we lost. When bird #12 started failing on day 8 I was at my wits end. I called McMurray Hatchery again and told the person answering that someone had to take the time to talk with me about what is happening to the little flock.

That person, I’m sorry I can’t remember her name, did stay on the phone with me. As she questioned me thoroughly about everything from picking the birds up to this call, she came to a likely reason so many birds died. The box of birds must have been left in a place where they got too cold. Whether it was a loading dock, or left on a truck, that is the probable reason so many of this flock just didn’t make it.

Now, 11 days out, the remaining birds are thriving. As a matter of fact, Friday afternoon we had to put some chicken wire around the brooder as a couple of chicks managed to hop/flap their way out into the room. This morning they had the zoomies and were running/flying across the brooder. I took the 2nd heat plate out to give them more space. Our nights are still pretty darn cold, so I’m hesitant to move them to the coop yet.

That said, the birds days in the house are numbered. A couple of them are very interested in flying, and they have been stirring up a whole lot of dust in all their scratching and flitting from place to place!